Maurice Ently

Thursday, January 20, 2005

January Fools Day

I could be forgiven for thinking that I had woken up on April 1st this morning.

Within one hour I heard the following news stories:

7am - BBC 1 Breakfast news: Against all odds a baby hippo who lost both parents has formed a touching friendship with a Turtle despite their obvious differences (species, age and taste in music). On hearing this I couldn't wait to see luck was in...only it wasn't quite what I expected. The 18 stone baby hippo proceeded to try and eat the turtles head. As Harry slowly clamped down on Terry (names changed to protect identity) he simply looked blankly at the camera as if to say 'well...I’ve had a good innings….I am 110'

7:45 - Radio 4 - Today programme - are my ears deceiving me? I'm tired and only half listening but am quite sure that the news report went as follows. “ Footballers are trialing new boots which are said to improve balance. The boots (originally designed to stop dogs falling over on yachts) are being worn during training sessions.......” WHAT???? Footballers wearing Dog Deck Shoes??

7:55 - Sticking with R4. Ed stourton interviews a serious scientist about his research into the effects of bottulism (sp?). Now, as I understand it, scientists who have spent years researching something normally attend interviews in order to report successful findings. Stourton began by asking the doc about his experiment. His theory was that if he injected botchelism (sp?) into carbuncles he would induce paralysis. "And did it?" Stourton asks "No!" Doc replies......awkward pause...doc continues "So I kept on injecting until the carbuncles reached paralysis" and? “they never did”.......end of report!!!

Date it is Jan 20th.


9pm trip to M&S to find a "Product Recall" notice on the door. It read:

"Cheesy Twists" (Kid's Love 'Em)

This product has been temporarily recalled due to reports claiming 'A Strong Odour'

They're fucking CHEESY TWISTS


At 11:49 pm, Blogger Kate said...

They may only be cheesy twists, but damn, I swear they smell worse than asparapee ... OK, not really, but they do smell BAD.

I am most intrigued to find out what botulism/bottulism is. Please, enlighten me!

I must start listening to R4 again.

At 6:18 pm, Blogger Maurice said...

i don't know!!! all i know is it's not something you'd want. By the way, very flattered that you ask if you can link to my blog. of course - i'd like to link to yours once i work out how to (if thats ok?)


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